Babies In Wombs Don't Smoke

Every evening at Ten PM, my kitchen was filled with smoke. Not of me cooking, but of the neighbor’s. He would smoke weed around that time. And since I am on the wind ward side, the smoke would make way to my house. So, if early last year you saw having weird mannerisms, my neighbour is to blame. The smoke is gone but the guy’s still there. Because instead of holy smoke, nowadays, there are sweet aromas coming from the house. Alipata jiko. 

Sometime last year, he got some girl who never left. Most of them come for a few days never to be seen again. She is way prettier than most of the girls I have seen around, and maybe a better strategist. She was coming to stay. She is short, chocolate and always in short skirts. Always wearing those pencil skirts that accentuate one’s body.  Our apartment is full of bachelors so it’s easy to notice when there’s a new bird around. Once my friends visited with their girlfriends, and a day later, a neighbor asked me who of the two is single.

So for a few months, he would  religiously smoke at ten. I suspect they used to smoke together. But if they did, it in total silence. Or was it induced silence?

Now, she is heavily pregnant. The skirts have become longer and the smoke no longer makes way to my house. I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing. But I suspect the decision was not his.

Probably, one day they got home and out of the blues she said, “Baby, you cannot continue smoking, our baby doesn’t like it.”

Disinterested, he asked, “How do you know? Has she told you?”

“She always fidgeting every time you smoke.” She said.

Intrigued, he asked, “are you sure she is not excited like you were when you first saw me smoking?”

Beginning to get angry and with a firm voice, she retorts, “I don’t want a child for a pot head like you.”

He is tempted to tell her, “yeah, the pot head you fell for.” But he knows when she raises her voice, she is getting angry. She looks like the type when she is angry, she is colder than Alaska during winter. And I bet he cannot stand cold treatment because he looks like a guy who thrives in great conversations. Probably, they met at a friend’s party- the one he wanted to miss-and she liked how he kept to himself. The reflective kinda guy. A mind your own business kinda guy, but when he opens ups to you, he is like a tornado that sweeps everything on its way.

Maybe when they first met, she walked up to him and said 'hey.' She looks like the confident type. She wears this assured look, walks in well weighed steps and always puts on a welcoming smile. The type not to be limited by societal norms that says that a guy should always make the first move. She strongly believes that second chances rarely come.

It was around 9:30 when she approached him. He was warmer than she had expected. When they had talked for about 30 minutes, he excused himself to go attend to some duties. Curious, she watched him from a distance. She wanted to know if he was calling home to say that he will be late. Instead, he drew a lighter and walked to the far corner of the homestead as he tossed it in the air, it shone under the big security lights. He lit up something. Intrigued, she walked up to him and they continued with their conversation.

She was curious why he needed to smoke at that time. He told her he’s a routine guy. Though pretty adventurous, he likes routine. He likes to be able to predict his day. She chortled. Already familiar with each other, she said, “very interesting for a weed smoking guy.” He laughed. He liked this girl, first for her boldness and now for her sense of humour.  He said smoking calms him down.

They talked for the rest of the evening. When they got to tired talking under the stars, he went in for some plastics seats and they sat under a tree where they moon rays seeping through the branches were falling on her soft cheeks, illuminating them. She looked angelic. He was smitten. He had already made up his mind that there was something special about her and he was willing to give it a shot. They talked and talked and then talked some more. And when it was too cold outside, they walked into the house and sat in a corner, this time, next to each other.

He told her he started smoking when in campus while he was struggling with anxiety. A friend recommended a remedy. He has never stopped. He does not like it, but he has no reason to it give up. Then she tells him, “I can be the reason,’ and winks. He smiles and says, “only if you give me a baby.” They both laugh at the though of that, but she is serious.

Now, a golden ball is breaking into the sky and sun rays are getting into the house through the half drawn drapes. They have talked a whole night. She says she has to go since she is meeting her girlfriends later in the day, and hurriedly gets up. She calls for an Uber, and when it arrives, he walks her to the car and opens the door for her. But before she enters, she gives him a tight hug and tells him, 'seen you soon'. He gives her a peck on the cheek and tells her, soon enough. Then gets into the car, and as the driver is driving away, she is holding the cheek he kissed. He forgot to take her number.

The next few weeks, he spends time trying to trace her. And when he finally does, she is happy to hear from him. He tells her,” I thought I will never find you.” Giggling, she says, “me too.”

A few months later, they moved in and he knew that this one is different. She is a keeper. She rekindled some spark in him that was long gone. He could dream again. So when one day she came home and told her, “Babe, I am pregnant.” He was excited and scared. He knew he was going to be a father at some point, but he didn’t think it was going to be this soon.

So one evening when he is going about his routine, with tears on her cheeks, she reminded him that he had made a promise. “I will give up on this, if you give me a baby.” You know how us men are, we make promises and forget we ever did. The women never forget. Now, he has to make a choice. And when it’s baby who doesn’t like it, you have to do something. Because he doesn't want when one day she is all grown and has started questioning his authority, she might tell him “dad you don’t like me, you never did! Remember you couldn’t stop smoking when mum told you I don’t like it.” Confused, he will stare at his wife and wonder, is it the mum who set him up or babies can hear when in their mother’s womb?

This post is dedicated to my friends (not my neighbors though) who got a baby last night. Congratulations. You will make wonderful parents.