Church Girl: The Knock

The week flew by. There was minimal interaction in the course of the week. But one day, Judy (finally, the church girl has a name) texted Mac.

“Hi handsome, I have been wondering, how many babies would you love to get?”

This caught him by surprise. He had heard stories of women are always serious from the get go, as opposed to men who want to see ‘how things go.”

He texted back, “I haven’t thought about it really.”

She sent him that rolling eyes emoji. Immediately, he knew, ‘wrong answer.’ But it was too late to correct it. Sometimes, when you do something wrong, silence is the best option. You wait until you are prompted.

They did not talk for the rest of the day. That was Wednesday. At around 10 pm; her bed time, he texted her, ‘goodnight.’

She texted back immediately, ‘You cannot even ask how my day was?’ 

He was tempted to say, ‘I know it was ok without me.” But there are battles you do not want to pick.

He texted back, “I am sorry babe. I thought you are mad at me.”

“I am, but still, you have to ask how my day was. Otherwise forget about our Friday date.”

It wasn’t even a veiled threat. He knew she was serious. But was the earlier question what ticked her off, or he had done something else he wasn’t aware of? He tried to recollect his thoughts but he couldn’t remember anything. Was the question a trick question? What did she expect?

He decided to do damage control. He had done so much (had upholstered some seats he had been meaning to but there was no motivation. Got someone to clean the Kitchen, and even got some new duvets, just in case J ) to prepare for Friday to let anything ruin his perfect date.

He texted back. “Babe, I am so sorry. The earlier question, the reason is don’t think about it is the fact that the responsibility of raising another human is a big one. It scares me to think about it, but I would love three babies, two girls and a boy.”

He did the sign of the cross before hitting ‘send.’

She didn’t reply for the next 30 minutes. As he waited, he couldn’t sleep. If he did, then that would be the last time he would hear from her. She had complained enough times that he leaves her hanging all the time. Today cannot be the day he falls asleep. He knew she was testing him. No weapon fashioned against him would prosper, not tonight. He brewed some coffee, and continued the waiting game. It was like he was being held hostage.

She texted a few minutes to midnight, “Sorry Babe, I dozed off on the couch. Imagine I would also love three babies. Two boys and a girl.” Then added, “I hope you have not dozed off; you sleepy head.” When he saw the text, he laughed. Women! Such double standards. 

She was sleeping, but if I dared to do the same, I’d be toast.

He texted back, “No, I am here. I wasn’t ready to die tonight.”

She got the joke, “Ok, Ok, you’re forgiven. Have a lovely night handsome.” He knew when she called him handsome all was well.

He texted back, “goodnight beautiful.” The text had not even been delivered before he slept.

Thursday was a quiet day, other than the usual pleasantries, there was nothing much that was said.

On Friday morning, he got a text from the main girl.

“Babe, I was hoping I could see you tonight. It has been a week.”

When he read that, he felt that tonight there might be a showdown. If he said he was going to be home, she would show up uninvited. She considered that her second home despite knowing each other for only two months. If he told her that she was hanging out with his boys, she would want to know where. And if he said he was working late, she would insist that she wants to hang out at a pub near his office so that they can hang out when he’s done with work.

He needed a genius idea. And he got it! He told her that he’s going to his mum’s place for dinner. That they normally have a mother- son dinner once every two months. She believed him.

But then asked, “can I then go to your place and see what those guys did with the seats?” The devil was trying to ruin his night.

“No, they finish tomorrow.” He said.

“I thought you said that they finished?” She asked.

“I meant, they finished buying all the fittings but they hadn’t finished with the seat.” He lied. They finished the work on Wednesday. And even cleaned the house.

“Ooh, I thought they did. Cool then, I will then pass by on Saturday morning. Have a good day.”

He had a huge sigh. Now everything was all clear for the dinner tonight. Or so he thought.

He texted Judy, “all roads lead to my place tonight. I have even instructed the traffic guys to clear all the roadblocks (by road blocks he meant his main. That’s what they called her. She was the elephant on the road. He knew he first needed to deal with her before they can start anything. She had told him, “I do not share. My man has to be mine alone. The irony is she had kissed him the previous week. When he asked, she said she wanted to show him what he will be missing.) to ensure your safe passage.

She said, “Great, see you tonight.”

At 5 pm, he was done with meal prep. He was making basted chicken, Cashew Nut rice, some salad and homemade 1000 island dressing. He also squeezed some fresh orange juice. The last time he cooked, it was a breakup dinner. By 6:30, everything was ready. She was expected to be here by 7pm.

To set the mood, he played Frank Sinatra’s “I've Got a Crush on You” on the phonograph. It was the only thing he had inherited from the father. That and the vinyl records. He loves Frank Sinatra. He says nowadays musicians are shallow. Pretentious. Lame. The only musician he listens to is Gilad Millo. He loves the way he has pick-up the Kenyan culture and seamlessly fit in. He particularly loves “unajua.”

At 7:15, there is a knock at the door. She is late by 15 minutes, but who cares, she is here. When he opens, it is the caretaker bringing last month’s receipt.

When the caretaker asks you, “Eeh, na kwani leo mkubwa umepika nini? Nikam uko na mgeni maalum.”

You will laugh and tell him, ‘wewe wacha mombo yako, and you give him 50 bob ya chai.”

The caretaker knows your ways. In fact, all caretakers know our ways. Men, if you see your woman getting close to the caretaker, just now that your goose is cooked. Reprimand him. Tell him not to be talking to your madam. Then give him something to buy his loyalty. As long as he knows you are boss, he will always be on your side. When you buy oranges, share with him. When you find him at the gate on a cold evening, buy him some chai. Even when you have no reason to be generous towards him, just be. The day you will be late paying your rent, he will make sure your house isn’t locked. Caretakers are the real MVPs.

You curse because you were all excited. Then you calm down.

After ten minutes, there is another knock. Surely, it must be her. When you open, she is outside the door. He perfumes fills the space between you two as her smile lights up the strangely dark night.

“You are here!!” You say, unable to hide your excitement

.

“You won’t even welcome me?” She asks as she steps into your space. She enters like it is a place she frequents. Like it is her space. You lock the door behind her and say, “karibu sana.” She is dressed in a dinner dress. She thought of what to wear and settled on that. It is also her lucky dress. All the dates, the two dates, she had attended in it turned out to be great. Nothing came out of them, but the actual dates were great. You cannot help but admire her. She looks different. Every piece of clothing makes her different. Just like her character, you cannot predict her.

In one hand she has those big shopping bags, and in the other she has a bottle of whiskey. She knows you do not drink. You do not remember her drinking either.

You ask her, “What’s with the whiskey? I we expecting someone else?”

She lets out a big laugh. “You know, I decided to bring this one because I thought you were messing with me when you said you do not drink. First date manenos. It is a way of showing you that you do not have to pretend around me.”

Raising one finger. “No,no,no. I honestly do not drink. You cannot ride and drink. Unless you want to ride and die.” He says.

“Ok then, you can give it to one of your boys.” She says as she hands it over to him. “I am sure he will appreciate it. It is an 18-year-old.”

“I didn’t know you know anything about whiskey, church girl.” He says, then winks.

“Well, I am not ignorant.” Then adds, ‘Is that Frank playing in the background. And who is it that you have a crush on?”

You laugh.

“You must be starving.”

“Yeeeees.I haven’t had anything since morning. I wasn’t going to mess my taste buds. Let’s see what you have.”

He then steps away and allows her to inspect the food. She the screams. “OH MY GOD!! You made this?”

He smiles and says, “Yes. I wasn’t pulling your leg when I said I can cook.” Then adds, “now, if you do not mind, you can have your seat and I will serve you.”

He too is a sucker for beautifully presented food. He believes presentation is as important as the food itself.

When he brings her the food on the table. She is blown away. The food is neatly arranged. And in the right amount. It seems this guy has figured her out.

They eat in silence. There’s a small placard in his dining room and says, “When you eat in silence, you honour the food.”

When she’s done, she says, “Mac, you are a star!”

He then says, thank you, Mademoiselle.

He clears the table, and after talking for a while. They decide to watch a movie.

Just before they could settle on the couch, the bell rang. It was 9:45. He knew what was coming…

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