A man’s perspective: What do women want?

Hi good people, it has been a while since I blogged. August was a busy but a good month for me; I finally graduated. It has been a journey; watch out for the next blog post about 'my journey in faith.’ For those who have been pestering me to write, I promise to be more consistent, at least once every week.

Today's post is one I have been toying with for a while. I have heard men always ask, what do women want? Some say, I have done all I could have possibly done yet it has amounted to nothing.

I am very observant, often times I see things others missed. I also try to join the dots to make lines instead of reading between the lines. (Haha, enough of the vanity.) We,to be honest,i have very many female friends.Today I therefore want to demystify some of these questions the way I see it and largely from experience.

Women need patience

Recently at an event, the speaker who happens to be a pastor said something very interesting while advising my friend who was getting married in a few days. He said, women are like a 'jiko', in that, they take long to heat up, but once they do, the flame will definitely consume you. Do not get it twisted, read on... That statement really got me thinking, when you meet a woman and express interest in her; chances are, she is encountering you for the first time or she had initially friend zoned you and now you want her to see you as potential. As a man, you need to make very calculated moves or otherwise you will have a nonstarter. When you approach her, you have made your mind that you really want her; but to her, you are one of the many suitors, thus, the need to be patient with her. Chase her persistently but not aggressively. I have learnt this the hard way; lost several fights, but hey, life is a battle. Never try bulldozing your way to her heart, step by step you will get there, it’s a journey not an event. To a man, it’s the chase that thrills, but to a woman it’s the patience that convicts. Therefore, if you want to win her heart, you have to engage a low gear; overdrive will not work.

Disclaimer: To my brothers who are unable to read signs, you need to differentiate between false hopes and patience. Unfortunately, no school teaches this, experience does! Patience pays, but wisdom always takes the day. If you have lingered for long, it is time to leave bruh!

Do not compare women 

When you walk into a chemist to buy some drugs, the pharmacist will ask you whether you want original or generic drugs. In a real world, you have options; it is upon you to make the choice. Options come before the choice, never the other way round. You have been watching Shakira and you think she is a killer! Well, there is only one Shakira, ask Pique! Point is no one is like the other, not even identical twins. If you are looking for an angel, try heaven! No woman is like the other, therefore, trying to compare her with someone else will see you dropped like Mike. Pun intended!

When you buy something, you buy it as it is. You have had cars been recalled after the best technology was employed in making them, reason being, nothing is flawless. When you get a woman, you should see her, as she is, Period! Because we live in a real world, we are bound to meet real people. There is nothing so frustrating to a woman, as she tries so hard to be herself; you are working very hard to craft her into whom you want her to be. Have a bare minimum, wait, whom am I kidding, have standards! As you set the bar, always remember that ideal only exists in your mind. If you want her, take her as she is! Together, work on each other.

Women need a decisive man…

A saying that really irks some men is, good boys finish last; but the optimist say that at least they get to finish. You know why bad boys are always ahead of the pack? They see a potential, make up their mind, and they pursue. On the other hand, the seemingly good boys take ages to decide whether to go for her. He likes her but still wonders whether she feels the same..  He wants her but cannot muster up enough courage to say it. Let us be real, keep admiring from a distance, you have heard of the mirage, need I say more? Besides, what is the worst that can happen? She will say no, ok, or maybe she will tell you she only likes you as a friend(Ouch!) You want her? Go for her! You like her? Tell her! You are having doubts about the two of you? Do not waste her time! Do I hear the sisters say amen?\

Women love men who listen.

Many men truly suck at reading signs; ladies, do not hint, hit it home with words. Say what you want, if he listens, you will always get what you want. Brothers, listen, listen and listen, that is the only way you are going to compensate for this deficiency. You have known her for six months and you cannot even tell what is her favorite meal, or simply some things that put her off. When she is talking, listen to her. When she is mad, listen to her. That way, you will always be miles ahead, she will talk more and you will do more. HOWEVER, doing more does not mean you go bankrupt trying to please her, always remember, if you always do your (very) best and you always fall short, you might need to reconsider whether all your doing is worth it. Bottom-line, Get the basics right, and you will have the right base. However, most of us listen but they never hear. Listen genuinely!

Finally, women want men who can MAN UP.

You have had many women say, ’I just want him to man up.’ A deep statement, but simply put, it means she already has her girls; she is not looking for another one. Before you get excited, that does not mean you go picking up fights with everyone to prove you are one, though she would love it if you can stand up for her(be her knight),tough balance. Huh?  All she is asking, if someone disrespects her in your presence, clearing your throat is not good enough. When you ask her out for a date; pay the bills, meaning, take her to places you can afford. That is manning up. It is better to lose face when you are with her than to be humiliated in public.  Manning up means, be real with her, when you are broke, let her know. When you do not like something, tell her, face it the two of you. When she asks you, ‘babe, what plans do you have for us this weekend?’ Do not ask her to decide, that is why she asked you in the first place. Yes, just man up! There is nothing more attractive than a self-assured man. Confidence (btw, ladies can smell the lack of it before you even say a word) is key, coupled with gentleness will always carry the day, get you a date and possibly land you a wife.

 Still wonder what women want? They want you to be real; they want you to be authentic. Simply put, she wants a man; she wants you to be the man…

Happy reading.....